Round One Matchups
by Reggie Truitt
posted on December 10, 2004 9:23 am

RRT CASINOS is back and actually alive. After taking 5 to 6 weeks off, and considering closing our doors forever, we have been convinced to cover the playoffs and provide game lines for those looking to make a little extra loot over the holiday season. By the way: Merry Christmas Fuckers!

GAME 1: (2) Mr.Natalie Portman vs. (7) Barbie Boppers

After having his ass kissed by everyone in this league for the first 10 weeks of the season, Mr. Portman has finally came down to earth and looks to be struggling; somewhat. The question is whether or not the team can shake off the heart breaking defeat last week that affected their wallets.

Barbie Boppers are rolling into the playoffs on the arm of Peyton Manning, and the free agent pick up of N. Goings. Can two players carry a team thru the first round?

This matchup features two of the three biggest arms in fantasy football right now. The bulk of the points in this matchup will without a doubt come from the quarterback position. Barbie will rely heavily on Manning; Who visits Houston and faces a team he drilled for 5 or 6 TD's earlier in the year at Indy. For Portman, Culpepper will be putting up nice numbers at home against a Seattle defense that gave up nearly 50 points to the Cowboys (The Cowboys still suck!) last week.

I will say this about these two teams. Your in the playoffs and who is in your backfield? Wow! More than likely K. Barlow will be out this week; which will probably force Barbie to make a late free agency pick up to go along with the red hot Goings. Mr. Portman has to get Duce back in the starting lineup this week; as he appears to be the man who will get the bulk of the carries in Pittsburgh. As for his 2nd back; Portman must make a decision on whether to start W. Dunn, T. Jones, or W. Green. Good luck with that.

Portman will pull this first round scare out, no matter how many points Manning puts up in Houston. He will because of the stellar play he gets from his wide receivers. Boppers starters Gardner, Patten, and Curry are no where near the production of Ward, Holt, and Givens. Its been fun Barbie, and I love the name! But I'm afraid Mr. Portman caught you staring at his wife and it is time to show you the door.

RRTCASINOS LINE:
Mr. Natalie Portman -11.5
Barbie Boppers

GAME 2: (1) The CosbySweaters vs. (8) Running Mad

The Sweaters look to continue their unbelievable run as they have now won ? straight and finished first in the regular season. Team owner Cliff Huxtible sent the team to South Beach to celebrate the regular season title. Edge and Shockey enjoyed returning to the “U”, and rumors are that Edge spent his cut of the regular season title on a few new teeth. Running Mad is hoping to pull out the upset of the year in the first round of the playoffs. This team will have to click all day long in order to stay close, and pull this off on Sunday.

Mad does have the tools to pull this out. Drew Brees has proven in the past that he is capable of throwing 2 or 3 touchdowns without any picks. The downfall is that he will more than likely throw 1 or 2 of those to the Sweaters starting TE; Gates. However, Brees will be facing an improving Bucs D; that probably has the only linebacker in the league that can hang with Gates by himself. Mad will need big weeks from his running backs in order to pull this out, and he has to like the match ups of Westbrook at Washington and McAllister at Dallas (The two defenses on Sweaters roster). M. Clayton and C. Chambers have had big weeks in the past, although both have slowed down recently. Also, Mad is more or less forced to start the Arizona defense against a struggling Niners offense. Starting the Tampa Bay defense against his own starting QB could be self-afflicting.

The Sweaters offense will continue to roll in this first round of the playoffs. Starting QB, Plummer will be home against a horrible Miami team. Running backs E. James will have a big week at Houston, but C. Martin should be slowed down playing in the armpit also known as Pittsburgh. The wide-out trio of D. Jackson, Jimmy Smith, and J. Horn will be good for at least 2 or 3 TD’s and around 300 total yards; A very consistent group.

It may be a safe bet to take Mad and the points here, but to place a bet for Mad to win and advance to the Conference Championship would be borderline insane.

RRTCASINOS LINE:
The Cosby Sweaters -18
Running Mad

GAME 3: (4) Meat Helmets vs. (5) Robintucky Raiders

Our third game of the special playoff edition is the third game of the year between these two middle tier teams. Robintucky has won the first two match ups: The first victory coming in Week 2 and the second coming last week in Week 13 action. But, this is the game that the Meat ‘Helmets’ special in: The Rubber Game. In baseball this wouldn’t be a rubber game as ‘Tucky has already taken the three game series. But, in football this is the only game that matters.

Last week, Robintucky tried to stick with McNair at QB, and it nearly bit him. But, as of press time, McNair has found himself on the bench in favor of a very streaky K. Collins. But, the QB is not what got the ‘Raiders in the playoffs. It was his backfield. After picking up McGahee on waivers this team put together one of the best backfields in the league. McGahee will be running this week in Cleveland, and hopes to get it cranked up again. However, last week McGahee was banged up a little and often saw 8 men in the box, which allowed Bledsoe to throw for 4 TD’s like it was 1999 again. S. Alexander has been the ‘Raiders go to man since the season began, and he hopes to crank it up at Minnesota. With Burress still questionable for Pittsburgh the Raiders wide receivers have taken a hit. Look for R. Williams, D. Bennett, and D. Mason to all get the call again this week.

The Meat Helmets are getting healthy at exactly the right time. C. Brown is supposed to be back full time and healthy in Tennessee. T. Barber will continue to carry the load for the Giants, even though teams have found it easier to key on him lately, and forcing the young Manning to beat them. The Helmets receiving corp depends heavily on the arm of Peyton Manning, as he starts the Colts number one and slot receivers in his lineup. Look for the newly signed Harrison and everybody’s new favorite white boy receiver B. Stokley to light up the Houston defense on Sunday. D. Driver could also be very productive at Detroit this week. The real question for Meat will be who to start at QB. Hasn’t it been this way all year? Mike Vick or Jake (I’m not your) DelHomie.

The CASINO is predicting that this game will come down to Monday Night Football. At least 3 starters will be involved in this game, and it could come down to C. Brown running the ball vs. D. Bennett and D. Mason catching the ball. All three players face a defense that is known to allow big numbers. We also like the match up of the two defenses here. The Steelers for Meat and the Jets for ‘Tucky are playing each other on Sunday.

RRTCASINOS LINE:
Meat Helmets -2.5
Robintucky Raiders

GAME 4: (3) Turd Fergusson vs. (7) Oinkpigs

This is our featured game of the week in the IIFFL playoffs. The Turd came away with some hard earned cash with his 3rd place finish in the regular season, and would like nothing better than to come away with a victory in the Wild Card game in order to set himself up for another payout. However, the pigs would like to get their owner some money to help cover for the cost of a ridiculous amount of roster moves on the season. During a Week 8 post game interview the Pigs coach actually called his 2nd string running back by the wrong first name. It is rumored the team GM may be on the hot seat as he has cost his owner a shit load of money this year.

Speaking of shit load: The pigs put up a shit load of points last week, and landed himself in the record books. This team is on a roll, and could come up with some of that playoff money. This team relies on his two young running backs. Even though he talks like J. Jones is the next great back of the NFL. The pigs will realize sometime during the playoffs that Jones is a Notre Dame reject, hell it could even be this week. I always wanted to use hell and ND in the same sentence. But, his real bread and butter is L. Tomlinson and the revived San Diego Chargers who are at home against the Bucs. The Pigs looks to be starting C. Pennington at QB against a very tough Pittsburgh defense that hasn’t lost in a long time. At wide receiver the Pigs usually get really good production from Chad (I wish I was TO) Johnson and R. Wayne. We are still not convinced that K. McCardell is worth all of that money, but he makes a very good 3rd wide out.

In a very surprising move, Team Turd has benched one of the highest scoring quarterbacks in the league in Farve’or of D. Bledsoe. Damn, I’m clever. Seriously, Drew Fuckin’ Bledsoe is starting for the 3rd seeded team in the playoffs. What is this world coming to? Running Mad, starting Ryan Leaf? Portman, starting Shaun King? Sweaters, starting K. Stewart? Pigs starting J. Feely? Helmets starting S. Buerlein. Robintucky starting K. Collins? Oh shit, wait…I need to backspace. Well, it could work, but it has to throw this team for a whack. Turd will continue to rely on the Denver combination in the backfield. The former Denver stud; C. Portis has been struggling lately and will try to improve against Philly. The current Denver stud, R. Droughns should be successful running the ball at home against Miami. Veterans I. Bruce, E. Moulds, and S. Moss hold down the outside as Turds starting receivers. The CASINO is a little curious to see if the newly J. Jurevicius gets the start this week. I hear Cliff H. now, “Thanks for the dollar!”

RRTCASINOS LINE:
Turd Fergusson
Oinkpigs -10