Week Three Wrapup
by Ryan Woods
posted on September 28, 2004 4:54 pm

The season is getting heated up, and nowhere is that more apparent than in the IIFFL. We had some spirited games this weekend, including a game pitting a team without a win against one of the undefeateds. Let’s take a look at some of the highlights:

0!nkp!g$ v. MILF Divers

There is no love lost between these two teams. We heard talk all weekend about how Oink had no respect for MILF, and he was planning on running up the score on him just to let him know who was boss. When it came down to actually playing the game, though, it was MILF who was on the winning end of the most lopsided victory this week. With guys like Reggie Wayne having a huge week and Miami’s D playing in a hurricane, you’d expect Oink to put up great numbers. The glaring error this week came from his running backs. The usually dependable LT put up a measley 9.27 points this week, and Lamar Gordon could only manage one point in a game that “should have” featured a lot of running. If MILF continues to get solid production from the starting WR lineup of Randy Moss, Javon Walker, and Quincy Morgan, he will be tough to beat.

Turd Fergusson v. BANGER9

With the help of Brett Favre’s best game in three years that someone didn’t die before, Turd pulled off a victory with 12 of his players on a bye. Spectacular performances from Isaac Bruce and Brandon Stokley helped offset abysmal numbers produced by Tatum Bell and the Illini’s own Brandon Lloyd. This is one victory that BANGER had already penciled in, because of all Turd’s bye players. In true fantasy football fashion, the best matchups in the world essentially comes down to dumb luck. Injuries have riddled BANGER’s team in the early weeks, forcing him to start guys like Testaverde, Bradford, and somebody named J. Robertson from San Francisco(?). BANGER gets the prize for lowest score by any team NOT named Running Mad for this week’s performance.

Robintucky Raiders v. Barbie Boppers

Steve McNair gives you 2.52 points, and you STILL score over 130 points for the week. For as much grief as the Raiders squad got at the beginning of the year, he is already having an outstanding season. In what may be the surprise of the season, Roy Williams has become an instant stud receiver that holds up an otherwise shaky WR corp. Barbie gets career performances from Payton Manning, Baltimore D, and Rod Gardner…the rest of his team scores less than 24 points COMBINED! What once looked like a great draft, now looks like a house of cards. I still believe in the Boppers, but thay need to get the ship headed in the right direction or they’ll be watching the playoffs on tv…wait a minute, we’re actually ALL watching the playoffs on tv, but you know what I mean!

Hoochie Mamas v. Meat Helmets

Hoochie Mamas tried HARD for a win this week ,and they almost got it. If Ahman Green would have even been PART of the Green Bay gameplan, the Meat Helmets would have gone down this week. The Mamas had pretty solid performers at every position, but he didn’t have the one GREAT performance that you need to win in this league. The Helmets on the other hand dodged a bullet. When your QB scores -.6 points, you’re bound to be in trouble. It’s a good thing that Vick didn’t get taken in the first round by someone in the league, because I think the message boards would have a lot more profanity.

Cosby Sweaters v. Running Mad

It’s not nice to kick a guy when he’s down, and it’s also not nice to pick on the new guy, but that’s what I’m here for! Running Mad has had a HORRID first three weeks. Trent Green has looked more like Denny Green at the QB position this year, but this week he actually put up a good game. Unfortunately for Running Mad, nobody told the rest of his squad. When the second highest scorer on your squad is a kicker, you’re bound for trouble! Cosby got solid production from the top half of his roster, and it carried the bums at the bottom half. His defense was porous, his kicker was feeble, and his second running back gained 1.2 yards per carry against the Chiefs! Cosby stole this victory.

Mr. Natalie Portman v. Defending Champs!

In what continues to be a Cinderella season for the guy who won 3 games last year, Mr. Natalie Portman broke BANGER9’s all time high score with 149.50. The glue that keeps this team together are two over-producing running backs that were taken in the 5th and 7th rounds of the draft, Thomas Jones and Warrick Dunn. They showed again that what was once viewed as the weak position on this squad is not to be overlooked. Champs put up a GREAT game, and would have beaten most teams in the league this week. He’s just been a victim of bad matchups. He plays every other team when they have career days. Donovan McNabb, Jamal Lewis, Onterrio Smith, and Seattle defense all brought their ‘A’ game today, and Champs could very well make a playoff run. He just didn’t get the W this week.