2005 Draft Grades
by Ryan Woods
posted on September 8, 2005 12:09 pm

Just in the nick of time (before the games actually start).

I’m sure by this point you all know how you feel about your own teams, and you’re dying to know how I feel. Well, here’s your answer. The annual draft grades have been processed and the report is below. All hate mail can be addressed to Mr. Natalie Portman.

BANGER9 1/2 - Boyd’s receiving corps look almost identical to what Parker has in our other league. I’m going to tell him the same thing that I told Parker: “He’s got a lot of questions on the WR end of his team. If they pan out, his team will be solid, but he could have drafted a bit more safely and secured a HUGE squad.” His QB choices are abysmal. The RB arena is ok, since he got Larry Johnson, but I wonder about his depth. Tight Ends are solid if Gates repeats last year. Parker, since I gave Boyd a C, your RFFL grade should have been a C+ or B-. Because of the No Child Left Behind Act, I’m forced to downgrade any intelligent white male… blame George Bush.
Overall Grade: C

Mud Whistles - I should give Thurman an ‘Incomplete’, since he left before the draft was over to spend time with his wife…man, that’s FF suicide! Even if that’s why I was leaving, I would have lied and said I got a call that my house was on fire or something! Anyway, the explanation of the grade: Solid QBs, receivers, and Defense, and the rest goes downhill. The RB trio of Anderson, Bennett, and Staley scares no one. In the off chance that they all stay healthy, you will be okay. In reality, Bennett and Staley will be out half the year with injuries, and Shanahan will decide that he really DOES like Tatum Bell about week 6, and Anderson won’t see the field again. Bubba Franks is your tight end?!?! I don’t even know how to respond.
Overall Grade: D

Running Mad - Ok, next year I’m looking at nothing before the draft. We’ll come to Robinson an hour early, and I’ll just shuffle some papers around. I think Smith is full of crap! You can’t field a quality team like this without doing some research. The only two questions I have are backup receiver (Lloyd will NEED to be successful) and QB. The quarterback situation is not dire, though, because ONE of those guys has to come through, right? Great Draft. The only reason for reserving the ‘A’ grade is if all three QBs falter.
Overall Grade: A-

Tyrannical Teabaggers - The trip down from the city may have done this man some good. He’s got a decent team here. Bulger is a solid QB and Warner is a capable bye-week replacement. His receivers have questions, but he drafted enough depth to not be too concerned. Holubiak need to hope that his starting RBs have early byes, because Thomas Jones and Marshall Faulk could be benchwarmers by week 5.
Overall Grade: B-

Oral Master - Ravens, Vanderjagt, McNabb, and Marvin Harrison form a fantastic base for this team. His RBs are trouble. Who’s he even starting in week 1? Bettis is hurt, Alstott has all but retired, and Kevin Faulk is a return guy. He’s got a decent backup TE in Dallas Clark in case Dinkins goes down, but let’s face it, if he loses Dinkins, he may as well forfeit the season!
Overall Grade: C-

The Cosby Sweaters - This is one of the best overall teams that I have seen. Quality QB with a backup that could be huge this year. Including his keeper, he’s got four full-time RBs on his squad (assuming Suggs gets healthy). Tony G…no need to comment. Wayne and Branch will be solid, and the other three can rotate the #3 spot until someone proves that they deserve it. This is a quality squad…one that I would have liked to draft.
Overall Grade: A

TurkeyCreek_Nate - Fiscus has a decent squad considering some of his drafting missteps. David Carr could have been drafted in the 10th round. Same thing for Braylon Edwards. If Pittman and Mewelde Moore can stay in the RB mix, Fiscus should be okay in that area. If not, he needs to make a trade. I see a lot of possibility in his young receivers, but I can very easily see the worst set of receivers in the league.
Overall Grade: C

My Brain Hurts! - Randy had a lot of ground to make up, since he went with Manning in the first. If Taylor stays healthy and Henry gets SOME playing time, he should be okay. The elder Reynolds went WAY out on a limb with all of his receivers. Boldin will need to replicate his rookie year, Muhammad is playing for a different team, as is Derrick Mason. Marcus Robinson will need to perform better than he has in the last few years, and Mike Williams will need to fight for playing time on a team where he’s the number four receiver. This team can be good, but there are a lot of risks for those receivers.
Overall Grade: C+

Robintucky Raiders - “Receivers are a dime a dozen, and they can always be picked up late” said the guy who is soon to be in last place. QBs good. RBs good. Tight ends, kickers, and defense…does it really matter? But these receivers…they are REALLY something! Terrell Owens, regardless of your feelings about the man, is a great pickup at #16. Reggie Williams has a chance to compete, but I think he was drafted too high. Donte Stallworth has never been successful, and I don’t anticipate this year being any different. Kevin Curtis could turn out to be the diamond on the rough for Truitt’s squad. The problem is that he needs to share time with Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce. IF one of those guys goes down, look out!
Overall Grade: C-

Turd Fergusson - Girfriend: good. Not being at the draft: bad. He’s got questionable receivers, but they can all be successful in the right environment. Hopefully Witten performs as well as the “experts” say that he will. Kerry Collins is almost required to put up good numbers. The Wizzinator will carry this team on his back to the playoffs.
Overall Grade: B-

0!nkp!g$ - With Michael Turner and Ricky Williams on your bench, you’re pretty much chalking up a loss when your running backs are on byes. If it wasn’t for this deficiency, the grade would have been much better. Having said that, Reynolds has HUGE receiving talent on this squad. Johnson, Williams, Coles, and Bruce can put up 15+ points on a weekly basis. He has two of the top five defenses in the league. This is a good looking squad.
Overall Grade: B

Mr. Natalie Portman - Crap! If Jake Delhomme struggles, I may as well hang it up! In case nobody remembers, I actually let out a, “Geeeaaawwww!!!” when Drew Bledsoe went off the board. Drew freaking Bledsoe! When someone is upset that Bledsoe is drafted, that means their QBs are in bad shape. Having said that, I like my RBs, WRs and TE. Nobody really cares what I think about Ryan Longwell and the Vikings D, do they?
Overall Grade: B-