2006 Draft Grades
by Ryan Woods
posted on September 7, 2006 11:59 am

Hear, ye! Hear, ye! The official 2006 draft grades are ready for your viewing pleasure. There were no A’s, but there were a hell of a lot of B’s…I must be getting soft! All hate mail should be directed at Ryan Reynolds, Robinson, Illinois.

0!nkp!g$: B

The Pigs always seem to cobble together a decent squad and are perennial post-season contenders. If he hopes to achieve that status this season, he will need to hope that the Browns’ 8th starting center since last year doesn’t befall some unfortunate accident. The Cleveland offensive line is more dangerous job than being one of the kids in the Poltergeist movies, and Droughns’s numbers will suffer because of that. Frank Gore is a capable backup, and may be the better start as the season goes on. Randy Moss is more name than substance these days and will be out-paced on this squad by Burress. If Culpepper isn’t gimpy all season, he should be a decent #1 QB.

BANGER 9: B-

Over the off-season, BANGER’s ½ became gangrenous and had to be amputated. Maybe the slimmer name will make up for the lack in points he scored in the IIFFL Bowl last season. Kevin Jones will be HUGE this season. After all, he’s coming off such a successful campaign last year, and you know how much new offensive guru Mike Martz lives and dies by the run…bad pick, Boyd. Michael Clayton, Joe Jurevicius, and Reche Caldwell fighting for his #3 receiver spot could work out really well. At least one of these guys should be a solid #2 and be valuable trade bait. I don’t like the RB depth, and Kurt Warner as my full time starter would scare the hell out of me.

Dublin GreenWave: C-

I’ll ask the GreenWave the same thing I’ve asked everyone in this league at one time or another…what the hell kind of name is that?! Rule #1 of drafting in the IIFFL: The phone is a killer. You make bad choices, miss all the good times of being there, and you are the target of unbridled ridicule (Truitt can vouch for this). Julius Jones is not going to get 100% of the carries in Dallas even when healthy, so Thomas Jones may be a better #2 RB on your squad. Lots of potential in the receiving crew…here’s hoping that at least one of your twos and threes pan out. Did I miss a memo? Is Minnesota really the kind of defense that you want to start the season with? That’s almost as bad as starting the Packers! This grade has been curved down because of the attendance problem discussed above.

I_Picks_Cotton: D

The other new guy…maybe being at the draft doesn’t help your choices as much as I had thought! I heard at least two picks of guys who had already been taken, and the rest of the picks were guys who nobody else had on their draft lists. Just for the record, this is not 1998, and Curtis Martin is no longer required to be on a roster, but that’s okay because you have Cedric Ben--, I mean, you Jamal Lew--….man, you are SCREWED at that #2 RB spot! Receivers are scary. Tom Brady was a good pick, but it was made to early. Maybe I’m being too hard on your squad. Let me find somebody I like. Your keeper is good, of course he came off of my team from last year…I like the Carolina defense…okay, I’m going to quit while I’m ahead! Since I assume this is your first fantasy football season, I kept the minus off your
grade.

Let’s Go T.O.!: C

I don’t have my language dictionary with me, but I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to follow up a period with an exclamation point. T.O. has no third receiver, but his 1 and 2 are very good, so we may not see much of a problem later in the season. You can’t go wrong with Manning at the helm. I worry about these RBs. I know that Westbrook is the man in Philly, but I can’t help but think that he’s going to get hurt. Rhodes(splitting carries), Brown(splitting), Norwood(splitting at best) won’t scare anyone. Pittsburgh D is a good choice. Witten was a good pickup, but he may have been taken too early. The Doug Gabriel pick towards the end of the draft could pay big dividends later, especially if Deion Branch ends up sidelined for the season.

Mr. Natalie Portman: B

Coming into the draft, I had anticipated drafting running back, receiver, running back. When my pick came up at #10, however, only one receiver had been drafted. I had to take Fitzgerald. No problem, I’ll take an RB in round two. Only one more receiver taken before my next pick…I can’t pass up on Torry Holt! RB in round three…..unless Javon Walker is available! This, gentlemen is how I ended up with Deshaun “Don’t blow on me too hard because I will break” Foster as my number two RB. Not the best position to be in. I loaded up on possible future RB studs to cover up for the Foster pick. Wali Lundy could be huge…or maybe not. Bulger at QB. Let’s hope he stays healthy. I have crappy receiver depth, so let’s hope that my starters can mask the fill-in guys when I’m on bye weeks. I feel about the
same with this year’s squad as I did last year…maybe a bit better. I’d feel REALLY good if it weren’t for the Foster pick.

Mud Whistles: B+

If Joey Galloway has the same season that he did last year, the Whistles could be the team to beat! The RB duo is very solid. TJ and Keyshawn are very capapble at their positions. Delhomme is a solid QB. I think Cooley was taken too high, and I don’t like the New England pick, but there is little to nit-pick about this squad. You know, these grades aren’t nearly as fun to write when the team looks good! I guess there is benefit to staying through the whole draft and not mailing in the last few rounds like last year…

Robintucky Raiders: B

Holy CRAP! Reg has a decent squad! Not that it needs to be brought up again, but I would have kept Jordan over McGahee. McGahee is no slouch, though. He still gets all the carries in Buffalo and should put up some good numbers. Dunn is a great #2, and I believe that he will be getting the TJ Duckett carries, not Norwood or their fullback whose name escapes me. If Roy Williams lives up to the hype, he will be a great #1 receiver. Truitt is a little weak after Williams, though. He’s got a bunch of threes instead of a two and some threes. He chose a solid defense, and the kicker is…..well, who cares about the kicker anyway?

Running Mad: D+

Let me tell you guys a story you may not know. Last year, the Running Mad squad looked at his first ranking list on the way to the draft. He had little more than an hour of draft prep, and he won the regular season…that’s pretty impressive. This season, since that system worked for him last year, he tried it again. The result: Ben Roethlisberger(appendix), Darrell Jackson(knees), Deion Branch(holding out), Lawrence Maroney(some kind of injury), Marty Booker, and the Baltimore D. I’m sorry, man, but with drafts like these, I’m going to have to ask you to start riding in another car on the way down. I don’t want that to rub off on me! Lesson to be learned:
Never try to catch lighting in a bottle twice.

The Crosby Sweaters: B-

Reggie Bush…the man is an enigma. If the hype is to be believed, he will eclipse the rushing and touchdown records in his 4th game of the season. He will actually line up at QB and throw passes to himself, which would count as a 12 point score for Parker’s squad. Then he’ll be on the kickoff team, where he’ll force a fumble that he runs in for another TD. The all time fantasy point total of 143 will be set this weekend in his inaugural game. Are you ready for the Reggie Bush era? Now, don’t get me wrong, I think Bush will be good…very good. I just don’t believe that he needed to be picked that early in a single keeper league. I know that Parker was hedging his bets on Edge, since he’s getting older, but I truly believe that the Bush pick makes or breaks the Sweaters’ season. The rest of his team looks really
good if TO stays out of trouble.

Turd Fergusson: C+

I love the fact that neither Turd nor Fergusson is recognized in the MS Word dictionary. Turd’s squad needs Clinton Portis to be healthy. Turd’s squad needs Steve Smith to be healthy. Turd’s squad needs Todd Heap to be healthy. Turd’s squad needs Corey Dillon to be healthy. It’s not that I don’t like Corn’s team, it’s just that he took on a lot of injury risk type players. If he stays healthy all season, he could go deep in the playoffs. Indy was a good defense, but there was absolutely no reason for him to reach for a kicker. If his team stays healthy, his grade is probably a high B.

Tyrannical Teabaggers: C-

I like the fact that the Teabaggers spread out the talent on the team. I don’t like that he has little depth. Mike Bell and Ahman Green as your #2 and #3 RBs isn’t going to scare anyone. Oldest man in the league Rod Smith and Laveranues, catch me on the next Oprah, Coles aren’t worrisome, either. If his marquee guys step up, he will be hard to beat, but if they don’t, he doesn’t have the depth to cover up for it. I deducted a few points from his scor for only being physically at the draft for one out of three years.